His breathing becomes deeper as he relaxes back into asnooze. I am irritated. The morning air is cold, and I want to go back to sleep.I want to tell him to go to hell. But I don't. I remember that this is whatI signed on for, and I stifle any initial impulse I might have to curl intoa fetal position under the warm comforter, and even though I'm not in the mood,I stretch out flat on my back and begin to finger myself. My body resists, and I urge it to respond. I lightly tickle my clit withfeather strokes, hoping to arouse some passion, but it's not forthcoming. Itry to fantasize, but my mind resists as much as my body. A feeling of panicset in as I realize I can't comply. I begin rubbing in earnest, hoping to forcea response from my body. A sense of failure creeps over me, a feeling thatused to be all too familiar, and I revert to fearing what he will think ofme if I can't come. Will he think I'm frigid? Defective? unresponsive? I don'twant him to see me struggle, reaching, grasping. Bathe them feed them and love each and everyone one of them. Motherly love you could say.In the summer of 1916, I heard the tragic news that Mr. Simon had been killed in action. He was my friend and mentor at the bookshop. Again the shop closed for a few days as a mark of respect. That evening I was trying to enjoy a glass of apple wine but my thoughts were distant.Why did I never allow Mr. Simon to fuck me in the book cellar? He had been trying for years. Did he meet his death never having enjoyed intimate times with a female? I felt guilt! The wine had taken its toll on me. My overcoat was all that was needed as I slipped out into the night. Rain was forecast. There were many public houses around the docks but the most likely was the Bull and Bush?I had to wait in the dark alleyway for several minutes before a suitable gentleman staggered out of the pub door. Being a good Samaritan I offered to help him on his way. No sooner had I put a supportive arm around him than he had hold of.
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